This is my take on “How Motherhood Has Changed Me”**
When a journey starts with peeing on a stick (or multiple ones for us paranoid millennial types), we should perhaps understand that pregnancy and having a baby is going to be quite a mixed bag of fun, icky, emotions and the unexpected. Of course, pregnancy is hard on a woman. Your body’s undergoing an infinite number of changes. There are so many dos and don’ts that it almost feels like you’re trapped! It is hard, and you can’t wait for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Ask any mum-to-be on her eighth plus month with a full belly, clothes that seem to shrink every few days, and the looks of people saying “are you going to pop like right now!?”, and she would definitely agree that she is ready! But… I had no idea that pregnancy and all the drama it had brought could suddenly seem so insignificant when the doctor (almost) threw a little squirmy ball of mush on me and said: “It’s a boy!”
By most standards, I’d considered myself to be quite an aware expectant mother, and yet I felt unprepared for all the changes that motherhood brought in my life.
I was never expecting that…
1. That Motherhood Would be so Hard!
Sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, breast engorgement, feeding anxiety, changes in your organs, no changes on the weighing scale.. and then the overwhelming sense of responsibility that finally sinks in. I remember crying when we opened the door of our home to walk in with our baby. I still don’t know why those tears came, but they weren’t the last that month… maybe even not the last that week! There is an all-pervasive sense of inadequacy at the back of every decision you make, and that stays with you as #MOMGUILT.
Everyone has an opinion on what you’re doing, and not doing. From relatives to random people on the street, it’s almost as if the whole world knows more about managing your own child than you do!
2. That the Village is Bigger (and More Helpful) than I Knew
My mum is often amazed by some of the things and facts I spew about child-rearing. From nuskas that grandparents of our grandparents used to use, to medicines at the cutting edge of modern medicine, behaviours and milestones to be tracked (or not) – I seem to have some knowledge about it all. And this is all thanks to the many mums I’ve come to know after baby. There is an exponential increase in my social circle of course, but it’s also a very essential source of information. I’m part of so many mum-support groups on WhatsApp, and people share genuine concerns and solutions in all of them. My prenatal yoga class group, day-care group, housing-complex toddlers group, and more recently blogger mums groups. All of them seem to be in the same boat, but sailing so much smoother than me!
I’ve always known that it takes a village to raise a child, but I didn’t realise that technology has actually turned the whole world into this proverbial village. It’s all for one, and one for all on this tribe of mums!
3. That Empathy can Exist at Different Levels
Ok, I’ll admit, I cry in all movies. Even pre-baby I’ve been known to take others’ miseries to heart. But now, it has gone to a whole new level. With all the rapes and murders, and rising intolerance in our society, the newspaper is a scary place. Every single article I read only triggers one reaction in my mind.. “what if that was my baby?” And if you’re not a parent, believe me, you can not fathom the sheer volume of fear which can envelop you at that thought. So you get so much more conscious of people and things around you. Yes, motherhood has probably made me a shade more cynical.
But on the other hand, it has also opened up the more positive aspect of empathy – of being more understanding; of not judging another’s life decisions without knowing their life situation. There’s newfound respect for not passing comments on others. “Well I’d never do that with my kids” is something I’ve said many times pre-baby, but not anymore.
To each her own.
4. That My Body Would Need Me
I didn’t get fit by running behind a toddler, I got fit so that I could run behind him!
It takes a lot to get most of us to exercise. Despite the constant media barrage of perfect 10 bodies on men and women, most normal people just cannot get themselves to don those exercise shoes and get off their behinds consistently. Before my pregnancy, I’ve had a typical love-hate relationship with exercise. No matter how much enthusiasm I’d start off with, there would always be some excuse to skip that routine “just today” (which turned into “just this month” and “just this year” before you know it!) But getting pregnant was a turning point of sorts on my journey of fitness. The days during my pregnancy when I couldn’t go for my 30-minute walks were days that I actually felt guilty. I consciously avoided fried and fatty foods and reduced my intake of sweets and desserts. My daily routine of 50 squats, cat stretches and pelvic tilts made for a nice comic sight for my husband as he lazed away on the couch. But I persevered – there was always a voice in my head saying that it’s only thirty-odd minutes and that keeping a healthy lifestyle can affect your to-be-born for eternity!
And now after baby, the effort is even more, and so is the motivation. If I could be so considerate of my body for the sake of my offspring, then why not for my older self? I now feel incomplete without my workouts, and I know I’m fitter than I’ve been in many years. Starting and staying on a fitness journey is a gift I’ve given myself for the hard work my body put in to create this gorgeous human being!
5. That Love can Always Grow Stronger
My darling husband is such a great father. I read somewhere that when we pick our life mate, we are subconsciously and on a primal level evaluating their ability to procreate and the quality of parents they would make. By that measure, my primal instincts were bang on target! He’s patient towards me, protective of the little one, and indulgently pampers us both in ways I couldn’t even begin to describe. He may be still figuring out the difference between my listen-don’t-advice-rant and tell-me-your-opinion-rant, but he has totally nailed equal-parenting. Someone close to me recently commented that I’m a much more patient mother than I am a wife. And it made me realise that I’m a patient mum because I have my amazing hubby to absorb (and soothe) all my anxieties and impatience.
I can’t even imagine what kind of a mum I’d be without him by my side. The little one came into our lives eight years after we first met, and we once again discovered brand new aspects of each other. As cliched as it is to say.. our love has grown in its own way through this whole joy ride of parenting.
6. That time can Fly And Standstill, all At Once
He’s walking already. He’s turning three years old. His first birthday is gone. Look at his toothless smile. He’s sitting without support. His eyes are open. He’s holding my hand. Let’s take him on his first outing to the park. His half birthday. He’s latched on so comfortably. He’s off the breast and I can finally sleep through the night. He talks. He eats. He smiles. His laugh.
It’s a film that plays in slow motion and replays itself without warning. Every phase of having a child – in your belly, as a newborn, infant, toddler – is so full of anticipation for the next phase, and nostalgia for the last. You want to slow down time so you can enjoy that laugh he cackles when he first catches a bubble on his nose; and you also want it to move faster so he can crawl, walk, run..and whatnot.
I love it all, and I just sometimes need to remind myself to live through it all being more in the now.
7. That Motherhood Would Be So Easy!
Okay, so the first six weeks were harder than I had ever imagined, and at that time it really felt like my life was over. I wanted to (and probably did) curse any and everyone who bothered to tell me that it’ll get better. But it does. It gets exponentially and delightfully better before you know it. Motherhood is the most life-changing thing to have ever happened to me.. but not in a bad way at all.
So what if my routine weekend nail care has moved to a biannual plan, and speed of drying is more important than the shade of nail paint. And so what if I’ve only seen three movies at the theatres in the first two years as a mum. I did eventually get to have my coffee hot and my meals warm. The odd “Mumma is my best friend” and random “I love you Mumma” that gets showered on me during playtime does make up for the nights spent awake with a clingy unwell bub. (Well, some of them anyway!) There are days when I’ll long for my carefree party-all-night times, and then I’ll just turn around to cuddle my monkey and refuse to let him sleep on his bed just because I’ll miss him (even though his bed is two feet away from mine).
Mothers are the definition of contradiction. And motherhood makes perfect happy sense.
**This post is part of a Blog Train started by Pooja Kawatra of Mums & Babies blog.
In two editions, Pooja has managed to get 60 mums together to share their own versions of how motherhood has changed them. Click here to read all about the women on this fabulous train.
Minakshi Bajpai introduced me in her post on the blog train yesterday. Read Minakshi’s story here.
Next up, head over to Cheni Adukia’s blog post.
Cheni is mother to a 10-month-old daughter and shares her journey of motherhood through her blog. She’s a food lover, adventure crazy and extremely bad at expressing emotions.
