I can do this.
He can do this.
They can do this.
I started the day he turned five. Months, not years. That’s how tiny my little one was going to be when he started his day care – barely able to sit up by himself, and yet completely used to being the centre of the universe in our nuclear family.
My husband and I had known since before the baby was even conceived that he (or she) would be in a baby day care after my six months of maternity leave was over. We were also sure, despite it being the norm in India, that we don’t want to keep a nanny. We would take care of the initial months ourselves, with a little guidance and help from our respective parents (who all lived in another city). And come six months, baby would go to a Day Care.
But unfortunately our experience wasn’t as smooth as I had hoped. My husband visited four different centres to check the facilities; he narrowed down on two. I went (and begged) to get enrolled at a centre that was in our minds most convenient, but also the most sought after in the region. We got in. We went for three days. We bailed.
As our not so little toddler starts on his fourth day care this month (two failed trials, one that we stuck to for two and a half years, and the last one that has just begun on a good note), I just wanted to share my choosing a daycare checklist, for all the mums and dads who are looking at day care centers for their little ones.
Check the Basics First
What was I most afraid of when I took that first test run at the day care that we had narrowed down on? That he’ll cry and no one will tend to him. That he’ll be hungry and no one will feed him. That he’ll not get the attention he’s been used to at home. Well, let’s be honest. No one will care for your child like you will.
They will give loving care, but not as loving as yours. And a good provider will prioritise feeding of infants (and even toddlers) in a timely manner. They will ensure that the children under their care don’t feel neglected, and that the caretakers are fully attentive to each ward there.
But the extent to which these basics are met is something you need to check for yourself. Spend some time – either you or the secondary care giver – in seeing how the staff at the centre deal with all children (not just your own). If you see them managing a child well, even when the parent isn’t there to check, then you know they’ll take care of your precious one in your absence.
Give Yourself Adequate Trial-time
Whether you’re starting at six months, eighteen months, or three years, you need to give yourself and your child time to adjust to the concept of a day care.
Talking to them helps (yes, even with infants), reinforcing excitement helps (“wow! you’re going to have so much playing with new friends”), and slowly easing in helps (start with a half hour for a couple of days, and increase it to one-two-three hours over multiple days). Some daycare centres allow parents to sit with the child during the initiation, but in my experience it is better not to. Sit just outside the door if you have to, but stay out of the line of vision of your baby. This helps to ease the baby’s separation anxiety. She will learn that Mumma (or Papa) is going away, but also knows that she will see you again soon.
Cater for at least a week, but at worst case two weeks to transition the baby into your chosen daycare.
See the Logistics
Is it the closest day care near me? Is it close to either parents’ office? If you pick for instance, a place close to the father’s office, what will you do on days that he has to travel? Or vice versa, how will the father manage to drop off the baby close to your workplace when you have meetings to attend? These are things to consider. Make sure you and your partner are comfortable with sharing day care drop and pick up duties.
But also know that the easiest answer is not always the most obvious one. Despite having a day care in the next building to our home, we picked and stuck to a different one. This one was a forty-five minute drive away on good days, and maybe even 90 minutes when traffic was bad. And it wasn’t close to either of our offices! Yes, I know it sounds counter intuitive. But that’s where other considerations like the quality of teachers, facilities, teacher-to-student ratio, types of activities all played a more important role. And that’s why location is more of a hygiene factor, rather than a deciding factor.
Talk to Other Parents
The advantages of living in Mumbai, a city so tuned to working mothers was that day cares were a dime a dozen. Within our housing society, there were three independent care provider setups; one within my office complex; two close to the husband’s complex, and a few more in the vicinity (enroute to our respective offices). Each of these are well run, and dozens of parents swear by them. Of course as a parent you only have good things to say about your chosen day care, else you wouldn’t keep your child there! Right?
But when you talk to parents at more than one centre, you’re sure to get a perspective on the of day-to-day functioning. For e.g. some centres have CCTV setups, some provide updates on Whatsapp, some send a diary with the day’s details, some have live update apps. A parent can tell you how frequent the updates are, if they really face any issues, and what they wish for (but are ok to live without) from their chosen day care. You can then decide whether it works best for you or not.
Trust Your Instinct
In the initial few days, maybe even later, there will be tears shed – both baby’s and mumma’s! But if you have decided on going the path, first make yourself stronger. But at the same time, make sure you listen to your gut whether you’re just emotional or is there something fundamental bothering you about the arrangement.
I decided against two very renowned and popular daycares in Mumbai only because I didn’t feel “calm inside” when I took my baby there.
Trust your mom instincts. Don’t rush into it, but don’t dwell on it to the extent that it makes you a nervous wreck either.
At the end of the day, the decision on which daycare (and even whether to put your child in a daycare at all) is yours and yours alone. Take a deep breath, push that emotional-mum aside and channel your own practical-mum to come at the best decision for your family.
