“Even when I’m 65 years old, I want to be in the centre!”
Co-sleeping, if you would read the interwebs, is apparently the most reckless parenting behaviour one can indulge in. Indian customs (thankfully) tend to ignore some of the Western concepts and even today you will find almost all Indian kids sleeping in their parents’ beds. This is great for bonding with your children and making them feel loved and supported. It is not so great for the marital bliss that often needs re-igniting after the littles enter our lives.
When we got our little bundle of joy home, he was honestly so tiny and fragile that I used to be scared of falling asleep next to him. We had a cot adjoined to our bed where he would be transferred after being rocked to sleep. It was a hit and a miss. There were nights when he spent more than 60 minutes on that cot! And there were nights when his father’s supine form made for a far more comfortable “bed” to sleep on (of course those were nights when every few minutes I would wake up in a panic that the baby had been crushed! Spoiler alert – he never was. Not even close to it). But we persisted with the cot. He did sleep on it eventually.
And then my maternity leave ended.
I joined back work after six months and continued to breastfeed him till he was around fourteen months old. In all my gusto for doing parenting right, I was surer than sure that my son would get the magical elixir of breast milk for a year at least. With all the growth spurts and cluster feeding episodes that kept cropping up, and 9 hours of office looming on my mind, sitting up and feeding him became near impossible. I could barely keep my eyes open on most nights, so we would eventually just lie down together and drift off to sleep. It was the only way to maintain my sanity, and get some much-needed rest.
By the time he had stopped feeding through the night, our bed and “in the centre” between mom and dad had become his comfort zone. He did go back to the cot, and maybe would’ve taken to it more wholeheartedly but he outgrew it pretty quickly. So from about 28 months onwards, he’s been sleeping on our bed.
“6 months,” I remember telling the hubster at one point during the initial absolutely sleep-deprived state of being new parents, “and then we’ll shift him to his own room.” He had scoffed then but knew better than arguing with me during those hormonally charged times. (That man knows me better than I know myself sometimes!)
Here we are today, at fifty-four months, and pretty much used to the kicking-hugging we get as part of the package deal of having our little darling sleeping with us. To be honest, with our office timings, both of us barely get to spend a few waking hours with him on weekdays. And the hugs to fall asleep are often just what we all need to fill our hearts. He rolls over from mom to dad in the middle of the night, making sure we each get our fill. He holds my face when he stirs. He wakes up (with his eyes closed) and demands “Dadda, I want your arm as a pillow.” There’s nothing but love and comfort in his cuddles.
5 years is the new timeline we are setting for him (and ourselves). We’ve started discussing bunk beds and room decor. We talk often of how big he is growing and how there’s no space on the bed any more for all three of us. He listens, he seems to agree. He seems to be excited about having his own bed and room. And then, we can see a realisation in his eyes, “But I will be all alone!”
So he decides to announce often that he loves being in the centre. That he will sleep on our bed – hugging both of us – even when he’s 65 years old! It’s adorable toddler logic. I make sure to give him a big hug and tell him to remember these statements when he’s a teenager and I’m asking for a mere goodnight kiss.
Meanwhile, let’s find that perfect shade of spider-man blue for your bed, in your room. For when you turn five years old.
What’s your view on making your child sleep in another room? Are you (like us) not yet emotionally ready for that separation, but at the same time struggling with the desire to make them more independent?
Here’re some quick tips that may help:
– Keep a cot or bassinet at the same height as your bed mattress for the initial few months
– Shift your child to the cot after they fall asleep, and keep piece of your clothing next to them. The comfort of a parent’s smell is sometimes enough.
– Set realistic timelines for making the switch to “big-kid” bed, and communicate openly with your child. The bed isn’t big enough, you’re getting big, mumma-dadda will always be right there.
– While you may miss being intimate with your partner, remember that getting enough sleep is also important for your relationship. Find other times during the day to “hit the sheets”
– And most importantly, enjoy the cuddles! They will eventually outgrow this phase. And allowing them this love in the early years will help them to grow into strong self-sufficient individuals.
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