He’s having trouble with his lessons.
It’s because… I don’t spend enough time with him.
He’s not making the right choices with his peers.
It’s because… I don’t spend enough time with him.
He got hurt while playing at the park today.
It’s because… I don’t spend enough time with him.
He’s not eating as many fruits as he should.
It’s because… I don’t spend enough time with him.
He’s so tired in the evenings, he doesn’t even want to have a bath.
It’s because… I don’t spend enough time with him.
He doesn’t want to spend time with me.
It’s because… I don’t spend enough time with him.
Do you notice a pattern there? This is how a mom lets guilt take over her every thought. It’s not the same with dads. They are wired to think differently. Aren’t they!?
At the first sign of trouble, the waves of guilt come crashing down on me. As a working mom, it’s as if my #MomGuilt sensors are just waiting to get triggered. Dad, on the other hand, has no such qualms. Of course, he misses time that he is forced to spend away from our son. But that’s where it ends. For most fathers I know, no matter how much they may miss the child, their time spent away from the child is not automatically assumed to be causing developmental delays or life scaring psychological issues.
Recently, my work hours have become longer than they used to be. I’ve had to make a conscious effort to remind myself to “think like a dad.” I’m able to get a lot more done when I’m not drowning in my own self-perceived guilt. A constantly stressed out parent is no good to anyone.
But what exactly does it mean to practice #DadThink?
It means you care for your child more than anything in the world, but you accept that you can’t be there for them every second of the day.
It means you trust the people in whose care you’ve left your precious. You make damn sure the people you’ve left him with are worth that trust. No compromise.
It means you work towards becoming a role model for your child. You realise that little minds are always learning, so your actions must always speak louder than your words.
It means you spoil your kids once in a while, but let them know who’s in charge. You teach them that discipline is different from authoritarian punishments alone.
It means you appreciate the difference between focusing on nutrition and stressing over nutrition. Your child eating junk once in a while is not going to have life long consequences on their health.
It means you delegate responsibilities – at work and at home. Since your hours are precious, make sure you spend them on the right things.
It means you have work, you have friends, you are a parent, and none of these are exclusive of the other.
You co-exist in your multiple selves and focus on what you’re doing at that given point of time.
This is such a thought provoking post. I so wish we mothers could immune ourselves against this mom guilt. Its’s honestly just in the mind.
Exactly Preetjyot – we always end up overthinking things. Not sure it does anyone any good
wonderful thought, totally true too. i loved it. finding a balance between work, friendship and motherhood is the most difficult task coz you’ve to find the right balance.
You are so right Moms are burdening themselves with guilt and I like the mantra to think like Dad.
Thanks, Meenal! About time we implemented some stress-relieving habits!
Yes we as mothers overthink so much. Very thoughtful post.
Mom guilt never leaves you! I catully though it will elave me when I quit my job, but here I am today worrying about one thing or another. Feeling as guilty probably
haha! That’s what I know too.. It’s always on your min and making you feel inadequate as a parent
You are right. Mom guilt doe amore harm than any other thing. But I think sometimes we don’t have any option as we have many roles to play. Failing in some areas is sure when are doning multiple hats.
I guess everyone has self-doubt once in a while. But what I was trying to say is that it isn’t always helpful to keep dwelling on the “guilt” aspect of your parenting.